A little History of me....and my biggest struggle

MY WEIGHT.

Grace is in bed and Dalton is watching TV, so I thought I'd jot down the history of my struggles with my weight. This may be boring to some of you, interesting to some and possibly maybe inspiring to others. I'm hoping maybe someone out there relates to me and gets something out of this. Its mostly about the numbers I have reached, and left behind and found again.

So my first memories. I guess the first time I can recall having an issue with my weight was in 5th grade. This was back in the day when at the beginning of the school year you got weighed in gym class. At my school, (Sherburne NY) they actually called out your weight to the other teacher writing it down. I was 118 pounds. Much more than the other kids. Obviously this affected me because I still remember that number to this day. Now I never looked like an obese child or anything, because at that time I was tall for my age, who knew I'd stop growing taller a couple years later. But because of my height I guess, I never looked huge but was alway bigger than my friends. So that is the first thing.

I guess when it became an issue next was in high school. I still weighed more than my friends, but ate the same as them. I remember weighing 160 or 180 in 7th or 8th grade. And once in high school I started to try to lose weight. Never had a disorder or anything like that, just would do exercising etc. By my junior prom I weighed 138 and my prom dress was a size 8!!! I looked good, felt good, had boyfriends all that. Isn't it funny how when weight is a major problem with yourself, certain numbers stick out....this will continue until today.

Mt. Biking got big around this time so I was riding everyplace, even after getting a car. Kept my weight rather low until college, probably 150 or so. And then in college I got back up to 180. Now I was only at college for 3 semesters but lived in the town for 2 years. Got in a HORRIBLE relationship, was on Zoloft which left me with NO appetite. Left town, and moved across the country to live with my sister for awhile in Washington State. This is when I met Mike, 2 weeks after arriving.

By the time I met Mike I was in the 160's....that was in 1995. We lived in WA for 8 months, lived with our folks a couple months and then moved to Texas in August of 1996. Had a blast, drank a lot, ate a lot and gained a lot. When we moved to Pennsylvania in 1998 I was in the 190's.

So here we were in PA, still having fun. In 2000 I became vegetarian...kinda. I still ate seafood and dairy. And I ate anything fried I could get my hands on! By the time I joined Weight Watchers for the first time in late spring I think of 2001 I was 217 pounds!!!! What the hell Caryn. But hey it worked, and being vegetarian made it work much easier too since so much of the food I ate was out of a box---soy stuff---it was easy to do the math I needed to do for the program. So I was thrilled and was starting to look very good.

By the time Mike and I got married in June 2002 I lost over 50 pounds and was 164 pounds!!!!!! How short lived this would be...I stopped weight watchers and got pregnant in September. I was 180 pounds the day the doctor gave me the official news in October. By the time Dalton was born in May of 2003 I was 235...just crazy. Now the first 15 came off fast, and I started weight watchers again and got back down to the 180's for awhile.


Only to get pregnant again in Sept. 2004. I was 191 the day I got the news this time. And again was a cow by delivery June 2005...230 I think. Shortly after her birth, Mike got a job offer and the house went on the market and sold in the one week. I was staying at my parents while Mike trained and looked for a home.....ATe take out, moms cooking....just ate badly for awhile.

Jan 2 2006....What the hell have I done to myself. I'm not pregnant and I weigh 225 pounds. I was so upset with myself. Joined the gym, and weight watchers and by June 2006 I was 179.......only to be 201 pounds by June of 2007, which brings us to today.......

I have lost 20 pounds since then. And as of last saturday I am 181 pounds. I weigh in tomorrow, and I hope there is less of me. I never want to see the numbers 190 or 200 again in my life. So I struggle all the time. I am addicted to the scale and weigh myself at least once a day....can't stop.

So send me good vibes that I only continue forward. And if you are struggling with your weight, just know you are not alone.